ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize