How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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