there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
is that a dick in a sweater?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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