her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Michael Bay diarrhea
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
