she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
smell my finger.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize