I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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