Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
