Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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