Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
