Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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