i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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