All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
