just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
