My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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