We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
