Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
