if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
