Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
