I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She swung at the pinata with crutches
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
