This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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