Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
