dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He passed out mid-signature
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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