My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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