i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
