I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
