I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
