32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
