WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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