get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
zippers are such a cool invention
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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