She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
