she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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