did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
