I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
