Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I need to align my fucking chakras
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize