the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
