shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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