People in love make me want to vomit
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
