I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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