Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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