If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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