I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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