Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
