you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
