so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
