Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
