im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
