Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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