I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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