I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
