Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
