why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Randomize
