Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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