There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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