My hand turned me down
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
