Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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