She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
