if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
this boner is exhausting
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
