my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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