I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
