cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
