Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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