i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
