you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
