She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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