So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
there is glitter all over my balls
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