i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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