This is not my ceiling
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
