Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
