Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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