Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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