he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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